Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Engens African Welcome

How would you welcome the world to Africa? Try think positive... That's what I struggled with the most when I first looked at the competition. The idea of arriving here for overseas tourists goes something like this:

Book into flight to Africa. All seems normal and you are quite excited about your trip to deep, dark africa. After a couple of hours of reading some really bad magazines in the departure lounge you are allowed to board the plane. Still excited about your trip that you are embarking on you fail to notice that the Air Zimbabwe plane you are flying on (because it was the cheapest and you are, after all a tight bastard) has its engines attached with what looks like reinforced steel but what is in fact duct tape. If you're lucky you won't be put next to one of those passengers that just wants to talk about how excited they are about their trip and their entire god dam life story... no one cares that your loser son has the Guitar Hero record at his high school... he's also the only kid at the school with no friends...

You decide to just chill and maybe work on falling asleep for what looks to be a ten hour flight. You kick back and swing open your little TV... fail... at the end of the little arm that swings out of your chair where the TV should be there is instead a chunk of what looks like could have been chicken.... TV? no... some oak thought it would be awesome as a portable and nicked it off the plane. You get over it and break out your bad magazines again.

After what seems like a lifetime you are informed that you will be taking off and all passengers need to buckle up. Awesome... you can't find the other end of the seat belt...

You now start getting a little anxious. That may have something to do with the fact that you have now noticed all that duct tape holding part of the plane together, your fellow passenger is now rattling on about how many aircraft disasters have taken pace in the last month and you are quite convinced that you just saw someone stuffing two live chickens into the overhead apartment. The clucking convinces you that you are right.

Suddenly flashes of final destination start going through your head and you are now almost in a blind panic of "I am so stuffed right now". Before you know it the engines are going and the plane is hurtling down the runway dodging all the live stock that has decided to occupy it. After the pilot manages to avoid all the cattle he smokes a goat which you see get sucked up into your duct tape engine and spat out as a large pile of mince... Effect on engine... Its wrapped in duct tape, its fecked anyway.

Plane in the air.... shit...

What follows over the next ten hours is unreal. You then finally arrive at O.R Tambo. On your way off the plane the chickens break free and attack you leaving you covered in chicken shit. Awesome. Quite frankly you don't care. You are just glad that you have arrived.

After finally clearing customs and passport control you feel like the whole ordeal is over until your cab driver beats you up and steals all your kit and leaves you on the side of the road for dead. Your whole African experience not working out as planned and all you want to do is go home.

Fortunately the reality of the situation is very different unless you’re flying to somewhere like Zim. Hell, anything could happen then.

What do you think of though when you think of arriving in Africa after a while away or just in general? Engen is doing a competition where you can win awesome prizes by telling them what your African welcome is. Check it out.


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