Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Flying... Who Not to Be

Not often do you have the misfortune of being stuck next to one of the following:

  • people so rude you could end their lives right there
  • homo sapiens who make obese people look like the stick figures we used to draw in first grade
  • those individuals that smell so bad you pass out before you even hit your seat
  • senior citizens (enough said)
  • an infant that started crying/screaming at the boarding gate and manages to maintain the pitch through the duration of the flight
  • tree huggers (if you have such an objection to being on the plane... jump out)
Over my almost 24 years of existence (I know, it blows even my mind) I have had the misfortune of being perched next to one, or more, of these individuals. When you are commuting with others in society who clearly are not enjoying your conversation/childs screaming/wretched stench please take note and leave them alone or make an alternative plan to stop the torture you are putting them through... If you are the smelly dude, please, at the very least make sure they still have a pulse.

If you are so overweight that they had to board you through the cargo hold make a concerted effort to keep yourself... to yourself. Avoid spilling over onto your fellow passengers. You may enjoy the comfort of being so close to another human being but the truth is that at that very moment they would rather reach round and release the emergency exit door than spend another second lodged between what is assumed to be your neck and your waste. You probably will not be completely sucked out but at least enough of you will be that they will be able to recover the arm rest that they so dearly missed.

If I offended anyone with this I will not apologize as you are probably one of those very people that literally turns economy class into cattle class.

1 comment:

Lisa said...

homo spians who make obese people look like the stick figures we used to dram in first grade... :) i love it..