Beer Monkey Invasion

I am a consumer of the highest level. Give me the option of some kit that fell out the back of a Vietnamese lorry or some of the newest branded kit of exactly the same style and I am a whore for the branded image. We are consumers and that is what we all dig. Granted some more than others. But even the green peace lot are brand sluts. They will only use bog roll (tree bark) that has been approved by the head tree huggers. Lets face it, that will never be 'clean'.

I do however have a soft spot for the upcoming brands. They don't horse about and the stuff they put together is always really neat. I wrote about matblac mens apparel a couple of weeks ago and that stuff is awesome. I am now a converted 'Beer Monkey'. Started by a bunch of mates who just got tired of the conservative plain white tee with a label. They have since come up with classics such as "Atheism is a Non Profit Organisation" and "I like Jesus But he Loves me, makes things kinda awkward." Nice one lads.

They have a kiosk on Long Street and if you're in that neck of the woods it is worth having a look.

Beer Monkey HQ

You can also catch up with the Beer Monkeys on Facebook, their website and their blog. 

Beer Monkey out!

Cape Town 10's

Probably one of the biggest parties I attended last year was the Cape Town Tens rugby tournament at Hamiltons Rugby Club. It will  be going down next weekend (6-7 Feb). Last year I played but this year I shall be spectating with much enthusiasm. Tickets for the game at Green Point Stadium are unfortunately sold out but after querying Bob Skinstad, tickets are available at the door and are "cheap as chips". The Friday night party is apparently free and is quite a night. Do not miss out!

The Galetti Fourths home base. Look out for them at the Tens.

UK's Most-Watched Youtube Clips of 09

As much as I enjoy writing absolute filth I do also enjoy being able to find out where peoples interests have  been lying. Thanks to the Cape Times Techno section I can give you the top five videos of 2009. You don't even have to go search for them. Enjoy!





I do think that this one is the bollocks.




This is actually a game and you're going to need some propper band width to get into it.



This dude is really ****ing cool!



Pretty funny and not that far off.

Marketing History of Coke

I am not the biggest Coke fan but I think that the story really is something worth studying.



Interesting little fact is that Coke created who we now know as Santa Clause. There is a whole history about his evolution that you can check out here.

Found the video on Mastercom.

Eskom Heart Failure

After spending four years studying economics (for side effects look here) I can understand the need to increase costs as time goes on. There has been a heavy recession which we are apparently on the recovery from  and so people were beginning to feel a bit better about the whole situation. No doubt Eighty20 will come out with one of their facts of the day that suicides have dramatically decreased since mid 2008. People who had been sweating bullets can chill out a bit knowing that there is some light at the end of the tunnel.

Then there was Eskom. Someone over there decided that they needed more money. And so instead of possibly (I am just throwing an idea out there) creating packages better suited for the consumers they just said "we, as Eskom (God) choose to increase the cost of electricity by 35%, you (our minions) shall be forced to pay this or we shall cut your power (rape, pillage and plunder you and everyone you have ever known)".

I would like to commend Eskom on that outstanding piece of information. In one fowl swoop they successfully will have eradicated the overpopulation that South Africa had previously been so chronically suffering from. This will have occurred through any number of reasons.

On announcement of this all of those people who had been so badly violated by the recession and who were just coming out of months of 'successful' therapy will have done one of two things:

1. Thrown themselves in front of the nearest passing bus / cattle cart (LSM taken into consideration).
2. Had a massive heart attack.

I do understand that having a heart attack does not necessarily render you dead however these poor souls would arrive at the hospital which would then reconsider breaking out the shock pads and getting their ticker going. It would all be a bit pointless, the bugger would then get the bill (electricity costs included) and would just have another meltdown. Sooner or later they would die and the hospital would be short changed.

So, thank you Eskom for your crimes against humanity. Thank god you have found your senses and are now only going to change the price by 3-5%. You obviously spent some time studying economics as well.

Eighty 20 Fact a Day

A Fact-a-Day from 

Eighty20

Almost as Sexy as Teasers

If you read my blurb last week about the Apple Tablet you will have seen that Apple will be announcing the introduction of a few more toys on Wednesday. The big buzz is all over the Apple tablet/slate, no one knows for sure what it will be called, but I can not help but get excited about the next iPhone. The iPhone 4G. If you have had a look at the new Apple Magic Mouse you will know just how much more sexy Apple can get. This new iPhone will no doubt be do disappointment.



It will still be a long while before I get my greasy little fingers on one but man it will be awesome. Sorry Google, your android phone may just get blown out of the water before it has even been able to leave much of an impact... Unlucky.

A Little Old Lady, Two Swiss Girls, Many Seals and One Major Sunburn

When your Friday evening starts with an 80th you know that you are set for an awesome weekend. And when your next stop after that 80th is a party involving a jacuzzi and several topless girls you may actually begin to believe the previous statement. Due to the moral concerns there are around putting pictures of topless Swiss girls on the internet without their permission, I am sorry, but you will have to use your imagination. I am very sorry @zimisfit, I know how much you have been looking forward to that.

Moving on to the third social outing of the weekend was a cruise to Seal Island. For R90 you are given what can only be described as a student outing with enough punch to bring down a small heard of buffalo.

Unfortunately the toxic punch mix did not work so well with waves. Waves that after forty-five minutes of so, felt like they had come straight out of the 'Perfect Storm'. Most of the guys will disagree but they were HUGE... At least half meter high.

After recovering from a minor bout of sea sickness, there was an unusual smell plus a very definite tilt in the boat as we hit Seal Island. If you have never been out there it is well worth a look. There are hundreds of the little bastards. So, every so often one of them gets taken by a shark (unfortunately we didn't get to see that), so what... It keeps the tourists entertained and does wonders for the economy.

Moving swiftly on. Once you arrive back at the harbor you are sent off to the Hout Bay Yacht Club which comes as part of the package. Some may prefer to stay on the boat doing their utmost to finish the punish and diving off the boat after rogue seals, but sitting down on the deck of the club with an ice cold Castle draft really is not all together a bad alternative.

Now I have spoken about the characters I spent my Sunday with before, The Shebeen Boys. These finally toned and sculpted athletic machines took on the lesser toned and sculpted athletic machines of The Galetti Fourths in the Hashes. A highly competitive day of cricket that results in much sunburn, beer and a broken gnome (Shamus you shall be sorely missed). At the end of the day the Shebeen Boys won and sent the Galetti fourths home, although slightly drunk.

Both teams are involved in social rugby around Cape Town and the Galetti Fourths will be competing among some of the finest boeps in the Cape Town Tens Beer League which will be happening in two weeks. R120 for a weekend pass which is well worth it. Hope to see you all there.

Obvious suspicions around the method of scoring

Gary 'I'm so sorry Shamus' Fouche leads a couple of Shebeens finest off the field

"Why stress, we are better than them"

Shamus' final moment of glory with the Hashes Trophy

I have no doubt that after the excessive amount of alcohol consumed during the awards that there are certain details that will have been forgotten. The one I do remember clearly however is a statement to the effect of "fine, I will do the 2 Oceans Barefoot for charity"... Words of a madman (or possibly someone so intoxicated they could hardly keep their own eye lids open) but will be interesting to see any developments from here.

I hope everyone else had a weekend as cracking as mine.

You Want Noodle?

Only in a digs full of Dutchmen would you find chow like this.

 Boerewors flavor... I am proud

Thats a Kak One

A friend of mine sent this to me earlier. It's too good to not share (Click to enlarge).

"Hey Boet, your pants!"

IBS... What a bitch!

Thanks Deall, that really is a Fail.

Renault and Ford to join forces

Renault and Ford to join forces

Posted using ShareThis

Woolworths New Corporate ID

I honestly thought that there had been a **** up with the Woolworths SA Twitter account and they were just using a temp logo. But no, they are in fact apparently changing their corporate ID. A couple of years ago Pick'n Pay changed their Corporate ID and did a significantly better job. The differences were quite big but it was still recognizable.

Apart from the Twitter feed I can't find out too much more about Woolworths new look. The current logo screams premium and really feels like a quality brand of product.

And here is the new one. Please say it with me, "oh my God! Where did things go so horribly wrong?" I do apologize for the logo being slightly blurred but you get the general idea.

As I have been going off at them for this new look they have sent me a link to a store where they have already implemented this new image. You can check it out on Bizcommunity. And I am going to be honest, the whole package looks awesome but I do still feel very strongly about this 'W'. I am not a creative but is there absolutely no way to bring the premium look to the single icon?

Or, maybe it is just not working for me.

Thanks Woolies for the quick response.

Man Meat

You know what really burns me up about the States? The fact that they have absolutely no idea how to make biltong. They instead feel that dehydrating meat is the same thing and well, it just is not. There seems to be some light at the end of the tunnel however. I heard a story a couple of weeks ago that a South African dude over there in Kansas City, who goes hunting on a fairly regular basis, has taken to hanging large quantities of meat in his coat room. I can appreciate the dedication to getting his hands on some authentic tong, lets see how long it lasts before his landlord finds out. Might be awkward handing coats out with pockets full of dead animal.

Fortunately, here in SA we do not have to go through quite the same 'hang dead animal in cupboard' routine, we have some awesome places that will instead do it for us. I need my weekly fix otherwise withdrawal kicks in and I can be quite an unpleasant character to be around. As a result I have found some amazing tong in CT. Going to be honest, the Woolworths Tong is pretty good, but for truly awesome Tong I go to The Biltong Box in Kenilworth in the Rosmead Ave Spar Complex.

They do every type of tong you could possibly hope for (except the fish one which is just dodgy anyway). The shop is one of those quiet, tucked away gems that not many people know about and when found they cannot help but keep going back. It is one of the worst addictions you can acquire. I mean average tong irritates me but the Biltong Box's tong is well... arousing.

They were a finalist at the Nedbank Small Business Awards which they proudly show in the store. Quite an achievement for such an inconspicuous store.

So, next time you are looking for some of the finest biltong in town drop in to the store. You will not regret it. If you are not satisfied with the tong at the end of the day I will eat my own shoe!

Address: 61c Rosmead Ave
Contact: 021 671 7409

Nintendo Wii Eat Your Heart Out

Playstation 3's answer to the Nintendo Wii! I want one!

The Art of Pole

Anyone that has been to Sexpo before has probably seen the intense pole dacing chicks that come from overseas. This is for those that haven't. Enjoy!



Man, she is intense.

Blackberry Curve

Have had several mates asking about the Blackberry Curve 8520 so thought I would let you know a bit more about it. Up until recently I was very much one of the "if it makes/receives calls and sends messages I am stoked". However I decided to move onto a smart phone after taking to the functionality in a big way.

I looked around for ages (primarily because I could not afford one straight away) and narrowed it down to the Nokia E63 and the Blackberry. I put a post up on Facebook asking guys what they thought and apart from the occasional scream out for an iPhone there was an overwhelming push towards Blackberry. Having only ever had Nokias I was still not completely sold on the idea but then realized that I have NEVER been able to make use of the full functionality of any of my Nokias. They just make it so ****ing difficult. Why would I spend all that money on a phone that would see me throwing myself into passing traffic in frustration!

So that was it. I got the Blackberry and then, as all guys do, I never bothered to read the instructions. We, as men, have natural abilities with such things... at least we did when we were sixteen. I toiled with the phone for two days without really getting too much additional functionality out of it. Then (skipping the instructions again) I hit Vodacom. They promptly told me to stop being a moron and buy a blackberry package (R60/month).

Once I did that it was like giving the Blackberry life, everything suddenly worked. I am very stoked with it and highly recommend it if you don't have the budget for an iPhone.

The big thing for everyone these days is being able to access their Facebook, Twitter, etc on their mobile. The Blackberry App Store is actually pretty good and you download the applications straight to the phone with ease (once you have bought a blackberry package). Another bonus is that online browsing is unlimited. You have 30 days unlimited internet access off the phone and the Blackberry chat app lets you connect and chat with other Blackberry users for free no matter where they are in the world.

A clever accessory which the guy sold me on is the Blackberry case. I needed a case and the guy explained that the case has a sensor in it that the Blackberry recognizes and so when a message, email, whatever comes through, you pull the phone out of the case and it will automatically open the message... Its all in the details.

If you are interested in one hit Hi-Fi Corp. They have them at a price far less than any of the Vodacom outlets.

The Apple Tablet

In one week (Wednesday the 27th) Apple is rumored to be announcing the release of the much talked about Apple Tablet. I am huge Mac Junky and have all the toys but this will truly be the toy to end all toys.

Just look at one of the mock ups of this stunning piece of technology that I came across. I am sure this will have all the bells and whistles to go with it apart from, obviously, the mobility of an iPhone... and I don't care. If the Apple Tablet looks, feels, maneuvers even half as well as the iPhone I will have Steve Jobs babies.

The Tree With the Branches

Trying to get specific details out of the most loose details is absolutely ridiculous. I think I have found a winner.

After getting mildly frustrated with this stupid description of the song I decided to tackle something else that has been irritating the hell out of me.

No doubt you will have seen the ad more than once. It is everywhere from Facebook to some strange site  where you pop bubbles with your cursor (bored afternoon). I have done a bit of digging and through my amazing ability to create clarity from noise I have found out that it is... wait for it.... just another scam.

This is just a jpeg so you are safe to click on it but if you want to know the deal check out Matt Earle. He has gone through the pain of finding out exactly what the scam is about. The guys behind this scam should be taken out with the likes of our mate Julius Malema and publicly humiliated. In fact it would be wasted on Julius. He does a pretty good job of doing that all be himself.

Marge Simpson Getting Raunchy

For me one of the most awesome things that happened last year was when the creators of The Simpsons finally gave in to the naggings of the guys at Playboy and let them put Marge Simpson on the front of their November issue. Being a huge Simpsons fan I could not pass up the opportunity to get my hands on one of them (nostalgic value of course).

By the time I got round to trying to find one I was flying home to Zim for Christmas. So while in O.R. Tambo doing the usual time wasting thing I decided to go in search of the blue fro beauty. The massive quality control mission I had been involved in the previous night did not help my cause but I was determined. I  wandered into all the bookstores trying to find it and failed miserably. I even took it to the point of asking the two sweet girls behind the counter of Exclusive Books if they had that particular copy... They didn't and I do not think I have ever been judged so obviously.

I got onto my flight and went home a bit bleak that I had not found it. Arriving on Christmas day we had the family and friends Christmas lunch and then came time for gifts... Check out what my sister (A.K.A Miguelette) got for me.

"While Homer is out Marge will play"

Best Christmas gift ever. Now all I have to do id find someone who can frame it.

There were apparently several other potential cartoon characters that Playboy had thought about. I really am not sure how much truth there is to it but you can check them out on Holy Taco. Enjoy!

Bag This Beaut

Out on the social vibe the other night, and after some fantastic wine and company... and partially cooked chicken (fingers are still being pointed), I met this chap. His name is Mathew Neilson and he designs and puts together a small range of mens apparel. He had a sample bag with him and I have already put my name down for when he starts getting them made.

"Sir, would you like to maybe try this on for size?"

These are not your knock off Chinese specials, these instead are handmade and proudly South African. They make a small range of other mens apparel and you can check it out at matblac. If you are at all interested in getting hold of Mat and finding out costs just let me know.

Catch it while its hot guys!

The Motherf**king Pterodactyl

Every so often I come across some of the most superb content that the web has to offer. It is always a nice change from all the smut and "enlarge your penis" emails that so regularly manage to find their way into my email. This one I have actually known about for a while. It is called 'The Oatmeal' and is a collection of comics and quizzes that are so random you have to appreciate them. Here are a couple of my favorite titles. It really is worth checking out. Enjoy

If you have found content even remotely as entertaining as this please let me know.

A new beginning

To my earlier post. For every beginning there is an end.

A movie that should be seen by all (regardless of demographic) is 'The Ghost and The Darkness'. Without fail it is my personal all time favorite. A movie that will keep you entertained from start to end and make your blood run cold at least three times.



If you have never seen this movie you are missing out on a vital and exciting part of African history. I would really like to be able to tell you where you can get your hands on it but I fear that it may never have gone to DVD. If you get hold of me I may be able to make plan for you just because this is such an epic pic.

Do yourselves a favor!

The Sad Part of Beginnings...

There is always an end. For the second year in a row a lot of my mates have now graduated and are moving on... mostly to Johannesburg (unlucky). I do wish all of them the best of luck and I am sure that all... at least most of, will be very successful. Keep an eye out for others at your local intersection selling all matter of useless item.

I was trying to find a couple of ridiculous crying pictures (doesn't get much more ridiculous than the one above) and then I found this gem. I should probably be sympathetic to this chick, but when I started to listen to what she was saying between sobs, all I could do was laugh. Enjoy

A New Breed of Renaults

Spotted this beaut in Cavendish a couple of days ago. Has got to be one of the Transformers biggest fans. I am in no way taking a stab at this, I am at the end of the day a six year old child, I want to know where you could get stuff like this done?

The Morning After

Post party, when you and your mates are set gingerly  around the kitchen floor (laundry room, bathroom, etc. Please choose your poison) with your coffee and enough panado to take down a water buffalo, all the idiocy of the night before comes out. By far the most entertaining stories will come from the unusually quiet dude/dudette in the corner. They will avoid harassment for as long as they can, but inevitably, their turn will come. These conversations differ between men and women.

For women the morning after conversation goes from bitching that another chick had worn the same shade of mascara all the way to some ridiculous scandal about who was eyeing out whose boyfriend. Men make the conversation more simple... Who drank the most, who remembers the least, who scored the most? Those are the only topics that will come up. There is one conversation that starts off the same regardless of the sex. It goes something like this, "you know, we were out, there was alcohol, I was drunk, she/he was drunk, and... things happened." At that very moment everyone in the room goes, "oh****, what did you do?"

Provided you are not one of the parties directly involved you are guaranteed entertainment. I was threatened with my life if I put this photo up... but decided to do it anyway.

"Any statement?"

I am pretty sure this has happened to everyone at some point or another and if you have never had such an experience... you really need to get out more.

Fair Enough

I came across this and thought it was great. It is very helpful.

Use it, don't use it.

The Judo Brothers

During our extensive quality control missions to the various establishments around Cape Town we have had many an argument about the relative gayness of the Jonas Brothers versus the Judo Brothers. What generally ends up happening is that we get over excited with our duties and test one two many ales and forget what we are arguing about. The argument is ongoing and so if you run into us on a quality control mission you will understand where the argument has developed and you can partake.

To be fair they guys are actually pretty good. There is a cat trying to swallow its own head in the background and all i can do is apologize for that. We were not all given the talents we would have liked. Enjoy!




Well done boys.

Boing Boing

If at all you are planning a flight to the states, or anywhere overseas for that matter, this article may be of interest to you. An afternoon of fiddling and arsing about after a morning of pre-varsity admin (haircut, clean the car, etc) led me to this site where they have solved the problem of not being able to lock up your case when you fly. It is so simple... Just put a gun in your case and you will get extra security for your bag. I am speechless! Now it is just the problem of finding a bag large enough to accommodate my gun (picture attached below).

Cellini will soon be coming out with the appropriate case for this.

If you think I am just ****ing with you check it out on Boing Boing.

Serves me bloody right

I have been loyal to Nokia ever since I got my first brick back in 2001... Man that thing could take down a heard of elephants. It was the Great Wall and some.

However I decided to do the upgrade to a smartphone thing and after much asking and digging I settled on the Blackberry Curve 8520. It is a very slick looking phone and I was actually quite stoked to try it out with my mac... The disk that comes with the phone is not compatible so I had to do the Google thing and get the software, which, if I am honest is very average.

I then wanted to go about setting up my Gmail account so it goes through the mail on the Blackberry... I started that at three, will let you know when I have that one figured out! Then came trying to download all the apps that I tend to use on a daily basis. Another snag... awesome. Apparently the app store is not supported in SA and so trying to get any of the applications you want is near impossible.

If anyone has any insight on how to get this thing to work without the use of a four year engineering degree I would greatly appreciate it. In the mean time I am going to get back to figuring out how to change the ring tone...

Happy New Year... and some Admin

This is the first of what I hope to be a busy blog this year. Before everything gets going I thought I should shed some light on an entry I put up regarding Green Point Stadium. Cape Town 2010 left a comment and so I thought I should share the info with you good people,


"The stadium visitor centre located in the old stadium closed down due to the stadium being refurbished. The new centre will fall under the control of the operator, SAIL/Stade de France and would be located in the new stadium, with information to be made available on the new stadium website."


Thanks very much for the response to the article. It does however still bother me that when I Google 'Greenpoint Stadium Visitors Centre' the top hit still says that the account is suspended. Sooner or later it has to be fixed.